Friday, April 11, 2014

VBA2C - The inspiring thoughts for me

" Stop worrying of what will go wrong and start being positive of what might go right"

Collected by a dear sister in vbac/ICAN Malaysia community.
A topic in ICAN group Malaysia about "How will you remember your csections this April" in the conjuction of Cesarean Awareness Month. Support for whoever you are who plan for VBAC/VBAMC.

Well a doctor may have all the words she/he wants to say to make you agree to go under the knife. Wait until she had to go under too and let her colleague cut her tummy up.

Thank you sis!

My 1st scar turn 3 this 6th June.. Since I start preggy my no.2, I start gain knowlegde more & more about birth, more than during my pharmacy student life  thanks to Maria Zain (VBA2C) & Sofia Azyze (VBA4C) for gave me such inspiration to achieve my dream birth.. Alhamdulillah, I had a wonderful homebirth exactly 25 months after my 1st scar.

Allah is the best planner. Now I can smile seeing my scars (2 csects 2007, 2009). My first scar was so ugly. So thick with keloid. (Itchy summore). My second csect the doctors did an excellent job scrubbing off the keloid and left only a very thin line. I would like to remember the 2nd csect as my beauty makeover. And to have a very beautiful natural birth after 4.5 years after that, is priceless. I have prepared myself for the long hours of contraction journeyed by vbamc moms. Alhamdulillah it was just a "short" 6 hours labour.

My scar will turn 8 October this year. I recovered from the physical cut without issues but I'm still recovering from the emotional scar it left me. Most mums were conscious when they had to go through their csect, I wasn't. I had a bad reaction to the anaesthesia and was not there when my daughter came to this world. I regained consciousness 2 days after the surgery and no feelngs registered. That emotional scar still lingers until today. About 5 years after the cut, I had a drug free hospy VBAC in 2010, and a homebirth in 2011. My scarred womb went through a total of 77 hours of labor. InsyaAllah sisters, with the right knowledge and placing your faith at the right place, you can birth the way we're intended to birth.

My first scar turned 4yr just a week ago. The second scar is almost 3 yr. I do not have fond memories of those scars as they were healing postpartum. But i do not regret them either. Because through those scars, i had my baby boys. Looking at it reminds me of both times when i was in OT, their first cries, the pink mush on their faces, how excited i was to see their faces when a nurse finally brought them to me etc etc. Don't deny the scars. Don't hold on to the pain, but remember the baby that came from it. Looking back, i believe my csects were totally avoidable. Had i educated myself better, i should've just stayed at home and not cave in to an induction. The medical team wheeled me in for csection because of failure to progress at 8cm. I learn now, that it was simply failure to stay upright and labour actively 

It was almost 7 years ago when I had my first, and 4 years ago for the last one. I hope it will really be the last last time. Aamiin... Masya allah. I keep remembering the day that i did my VBA2C everytime I smell the parfume I sprayed in my labor room... To tell you how long my labor was I'm not sure when my labor start, because I had 2 days of "labor trial" if I may call that instead of "false labor", first contractions was like every 10 minutes for the whole night, and second was 3 days later every 4 minutes for the whole night as well. I was almost desperate the next day, I thought doctor must had cut my "birth muscle". And when I was in doubt I pray "Ya allah, please give me your decision". Alhamdulillah I finally gave birth the next day, on 41w + 5d.

My third scar aged 6 years. And it had endured a 14 hours labor (and 8 hours of it consisted of contractions of 1 minutes gap!) My labor pattern was quite "rough" but my scarred womb is still strong to withstand the contractions! Subhanallah... Now that I have a 9 month old baby, it feels unbelievable, indescribable that whenever I touch my csect scar, it is not a new one - no numbness, no soreness, no sadness - but a feeling of satisfaction and empowerement instead due to the fact that I finally had my vaginal birth, against all odds! Alhamdulillah........

Masyaallah amazing strength the scars reminded us. I have accepted every single scar that I had 2007, 2009 and 2011. I have made peace with them. I acknowledged my part of the mistake. Being uninformed and naive. I no longer cry nor feel any anger since I got pregnant with my 4th and now my growing 1 month boy. It was a life transformation and a beginning. Reborn. I wish you all mummies strength and love.

"If you can go normal (varginal delivery) for your baby after 3-section, that is miracle" A comment I get from PUSRAWI gynae when I talked about possiblity to have VBA3C. "Whatever you read from internet is other school of thought, here in Malaysia we have our own rules & regulation. If you wanna VBA3C you can go elsewhere!!" An arrogant remark from gynea at PRINCE COURT hospital. Llittle Courage... Hopeless.. Bring me to Wai Han's blog.. Inspiration even bigger when I get to know Sofia Azyze (VBA4C) via FB... And finally my vision more clearer after attended Maria Zain's class. Inspiration, courage, knowledge that been shared with the people in same boat is sooooo meaningful and left you are not alone. MasyaAllah. VBA3C...I did it!! And you will, too. Insha Allah.

I have 4 scars (2003, 2005, 2007, 2010). My scars had endured 30 hours of active labor and I had successfully gentle birth a 4.2 kg baby in 2012, all natural without any medication. Only we know how strong our womb is. Now when I look at my scars, it smiles back to me.

Past is past, let bygone be bygone, if the scars were due to our own ignorance last time, then this is the time to do it right - learn, learn and learn! Dig as much as possible about natural physiological birth. The more u learn, the less u fear. Now u know that regardless the number of previous scars that u have, you still got THE CHANCE TO VBAC! The term - "say good bye to vaginal birth after 2nd csection" is NO LONGER VALID! We have more and more local living proofs around! LEARN & HAVE FAITH!

Dear sisters who tried to VBAC but ended up with another cut, don't let that bring you down. Have faith that it will make you more stronger. Csect is not a minor thing and you survived it.. That shows how strong you are! InsyaAllah now that you're stronger you can conquer VBAMC in the future!

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jom terjah :)
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