Saturday, June 30, 2012

40 days sudah :)

Announcing-My 40 days ends tmorrow!
Yeay!!~

Mmg rmai yg buat 44days ataupun 60day..ataupun 100days pantang.
But for me..cukuplah takat 40 days ;)

Siap dh ada plan nak date dgn hubby mlm ni..hehe~

Bila dh dok umah lelamer mula lah addicted to mcm drama tv..tp xsemua lah..dh mls nk layan drama philipphines and indon.yelah..dh dok kejenya menyusukan amsyar yg mmg suka mendempeng~
kadanag bila fikir blk..maybe dia ada instinct yg this will be his only chance to be 24-7 with me.btul la tuh..bila dh start kerja mmg bila masa sgt yg kita akan betul2 bercuti and spend time solely utk anak. Even weekends kita full with activities.Time tulah baru nk membelek segala debu kat umah, laundry day, groceries shopping day, recipe trial day for dearest hubby..ehemm~ Tak tahu lah org lain, tapi for me, itulah nyer.. Belum masuk weekends yg ada kenduri, birthday parties, mak mertua nak dtg umah etc etc. Macam-macam hal..hehe.

Well normal la tu..nama pun life.So it must be full of colors kan?
Itu lah colors hidup org yg dh berumah tangga.

Kalau yg bujang, lain pula color nya...teringat dulu2 masa bujang, kul 9mlm je dh xde bende nk buat walhal keluar dr ofis 7pm. Mmm..bila dh mcm tu mcm2 pula bende2 yg xsepatutnya buat dan mengperabis boreh dibuat. You name it..g main boling la, g movie marathon la, g karaoke..alangkah byknya duit yg klu disimpan pd masa tu dh menjadikan bonus ASB aku setiap tahun boleh hantar mak g buat haji T_T.

Byk pula tulis and merapu pagi2 ni..sbnrnya tgh pump whilst Amsyar tido. Baru nak mula stock up. Ramadhan's coming soon-so byk la yg kita kena plan for the holy month.Haraplah2 berjaya..sikit sikit, wlupun xbyk. Alhamdulillah~

Ok..Amsyar dh bangun.
So till then.

Zahra

Friday, June 29, 2012

Amsyar 1st check-up

Last wednesday, we had a visit to the Klinik Kesihatan for Amsyar's 1mth jab :)
A lil bit late due to several circumstances but we made it.Yeay!!~

Had also post natal check up for me and some consultation with the practitioner.
Since takde siapa dirumah we tag along Iman as well. So the rombongan cik kiah this morning members were me, amsyar, zakiyya and also Iman.Seronok Iman berjalan2..tegur semua other kids yg sebaya dgn dia. Siap salam cium tgn lagi. He also attempted to kiss one sweet girl circa his age..cute sgt..hahhaaha~
Baik2 iman..marah mak budak pempuan tu nanti.

Ramai pulak org pg tu at the clinic..so the waiting time was quite long. Mujur Iman tak meragam.Alhamdulillah~

Everything was ok with me. Hb already normal. Urine clear. BP 120/80.
Just berat je still another 4kg to go to my already overweight pre-pregnancy weight..haha~

Amsyar was doing well too.
Born 3.1kg, now Amsyar is already 3.85kg (i tgk kat penimbang 3.9 dh..tp nurse tu tgk dgn ralat parallax..huhu~)
Panjang dh 54cm :)
Masa lahir br 50cm.cepat juga..tp ni pun unreliable reading jugak sb body baby kat masa lahir krengkot-krengkot..so 50cm is only the best estimation :)

Alhamdulillah..at least i know that Amsyar is getting enough milk.
Alhamdulillah.

So, after all the breastfeeding tips and terms given by the doctor esp for the coming Ramadhan, I asked several questions on contraception. Cegah kehamilan..because this time I'm really determined to have another one in at least 5yrs from now.Insyallah, if i have the chance la of course-jika umur still panjang, still sehat, and still di panjangkan jodoh with my beloved.Insyallah~

Ok this maybe not everyone's cup of tea..so you are welcome to continue blog hopping if this issue disturbs you (esp if you're reading with the office PC and may cause sudden blush..hahaha).
 
After few readings, I was interested with IUCD and asked for the docs opinion. She said that i could have it on as early as 42 days but to make all safe (in engineering terms we call this the safety factor...hehehe) she says that in my case, after 2 c-sects its better to have the device on after at least 3mths. Oho..

At first I was ok with that. Because i plan to have a strict NO-NO to intercourse (selamber badak je tulis kat sini) for 100days this time.Pantang. Kang 6mths kang kejam sgt pulak..naya kat laki den. tapi..me myself pun cannot trust myself..camno?Nama nya pun plan.haha~

Puan dokter tu mcm tahu tahu je apa yg aku pikir, terus sambung that in that 3mths duration (or until i'm ready), I should be on Noriday starting from the 6th week after giving birth. Just in case..(haha..tengok rekod kehamilan aku lerr tu~). Tp Noriday ni hanya berkesan if and only if I consume the pill religiously the same time everyday..and i breastfeed exclusively. So this is hard work.hmm.. Tp pill pun pill juga..i will make sure we use other methods as well. Yang kira2 waktu subur tu dh proven tak berkesan for us sebab I could declare we're subur all the time.and still young..ok cukuplah tu..
Point taken.

Ok.amsyar terjaga plak.

Till then..to be continued...



Love,

Zahra

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Rezeki itu belum saya yg punya

Recently, I was smitten by the news of few colleagues who were the roots and backbone of our team had tendered their resignation due to personal reasons. Some of them, were great leaders, some were even subject matter experts who really know their job. I mean technical experts. It requires you at least 5yrs to master designing skills..but to become an expert you need more than just all those years. This hit me hard that maybe its time to change.

But I still believe that rezeki comes in so many forms that i need to be grateful for what i have now, as the future is still not that clear. Your paycheck is your rezeki. That's pretty clear. But the happiness and all the joy that you feel lingers in the air you breath is also a form of rezeki. The children that you brought up together is also rezeki. Imagine your life without the calm feeling you felt when you kiss your child goodnight.

I always believe that my husband is my source of rezeki.
Frankly speaking, what he makes in a month for us living an urban life in Shah Alam is no luxury. But the things, the thoughts, the warmth, his loving family, his thoughtful friends always made me felt so blessed. Parcels of mango from mama in Kelate when i crave for some, a tupperware of durians from an office mate bila abg ngadu sy mengidam durian tp xjumpa sb blum musim, a huge box of cake from another friend's wifey bila dia bake lebih and teringat abg suka kek sebegini, a big container of spaghetti bolognese from another friend on our house warming night mana tau perlu ditambah tambah menunya - are the examples of rezeki I find quite amusing that he brings in to our small home.Mungkin abg mmg pandai berkawan..hingga ramai yang sayang. Mungkin inilah yg dinamakan rezeki. These are the examples of rezeki that I usually neglect to notice.That is to just name a few. It's hard to be very close to friends who have their wife happy enough to remember you as well :)


One of my favs as hubby brings back to us.

Alhamdulillah...
How easy my life have become after getting married to him. And how my wish to live in a house of my own is fulfilled. And for the two beautiful children..I think that should be quite clear as well.
Yang penting he never fails to berusaha utk jadikan hidup kami lbh bermakna. one of his traits that made me decide to marry him. And I should always be grateful. This i should always remind myself as human tend to forget. Bukan melayu shj mudah lupa.
Alhamdulillah.Murah rezeki abg.
Memurahkan lagi rezeki saya..




Saya pernah terbaca tentang pentingnya keberkatan dlm mencari rezeki..selain mensyukuri rezeki yg slalunya kita tak perasan cthnya susu yg mengalir dr kita utk anak kita. Yang mana, we really need to work hard for what we had agreed to be paid for. Even kalau kita curi tulang and there's no one in the authority nak potong gaji kamu, your rezeki will be cut off in many other forms. Cthnya di uji dgn anak yg degil, di panas kan hubungan antara suami isteri hatta diperlambatkan jodoh utk kita. Hmm..this is really for me sbg peringatan utk tak culas bekerja after this. And there is no harm if you give 130% to what you have been committed for. Allah kan maha melihat and maha mengetahui. He'll pay you what you deserve. Samada diberikan kwn2 yg sentiasa menyenangkan, menimbulkan kesenangan dihati pasangan kita mahupun diberikan anak penyejuk hati yg sentiasa taat dan soleh.Rezeki2 mcm ni lah yg slalunya kita tak nmpak.


Ntahla.This is just my 2cents.bila smp ke bende2 yg ghaib mcm ni hanya Allah yg tahu kedudukan kita. Yang nk pindah, pindahlah..masa saya belum tiba. rezeki saya masih disini. Saya masih boleh ke tempat kerja dgn senang hati..jalan ke ofis beriring suami dan boleh solat ditempat kerja dgn aman.

Duit bukan lah ukuran rezeki semata mata.




For those who have given up hopes and highs, i wish you good luck and bid you farewell.
May the new place you have just invested your whole life into, brings you more happiness and prosperity.



Love,

Zahra

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Blum selesai~

Pantang dh day-33.
Dh final phase dah ni..tapi stock susu still tak buat lagi.
IUD pun xcari lagi clinic mana.aduhai..

Hubby pun dh tnya2 sb dh lama 'puasa'...amboi..byk cantik muka.
100hari yerr.ada paham ka?
huhuhu~

Mm..cepat btul masa berlalu..










ps-update pendek mcm update statu FB jer.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Amsyar dah SATU bulan :)

Salam ladies,

How's Monday?
Me, in monday blues sb arini daddy dh kena kerja and stay at home til next Friday.
Bosan nya bila my soulmate tak ade..huh.

So, today just a short update about my boys. Amsyar dh 1mth old last Saturday :) Sekejap je rasa. Alhamdulillah, so far still lagi ada rezeki utk Amsyar utk fully breastfed. It would be really a great thing if i have the chance to fully BF Amsyar until he's 2yrs old..tp for now lets go for baby steps dulu. For now, I target for 4mths. Then will work out to 6mths.If ok then we'll see if we could make it till 1yr. I'm not stressing myself to target for the ultimate. We will see the flow..2years is a loooong way to go. Even Iman pun belum 2yrs yet :)

Dh tembam sket :) Tido pas penat main kat playgym.


Amsyar's sleeping cycle is now adjusted. yeay!! Good baby :) Mommy suka! :)
Now he sleeps at 11.30pm (nurse until he sleeps), then wake up at 5.30am..bagusnya! Xpelah..coz before he sleeps he will nurse non-stop from8.30pm till 11.30pm tu..15mins ON then OFF.Then nak lagi after 15mins..aduh. Tapi xpe..better than waking up every 2hrs at night. Mommy bleh tidor nyenyak, rest and will have plentiful for you at 5.30am. 5.30 tu mmg dh basah abes t-shirt mommy sume..


Bila dh tido lama mlm, siangnya dia akan main and be awake :) Nurse every hour. And asyikla kena lepuk and cium b y abg Iman. Sian anak mommy..takpelah. One time Amsyar dh seolah2 immune kena puk dgn Iman (--")


As for today, Amsyar xpergi lagi 1mth jab. So I don't know he's current weight..(and how's mommy job on nursing him going on so far). We plan to go tmrw sb with Iman around and daddy's far, we need someone to look after Iman, and someone to drive me. Hmm..after the ceaser xpernah drive myself lagi setakat ni. So we see tomorrow macamane. KKSalak pun OK. Xsesak sgt :)

Gegar pun mommy suka pic ni..sb nmpak pearly whites Iman :)

Permata-permata hati mommy :)

Iman now is much witty and naughty then ever..geram je mommy nk layan budak cerdik ni :) He even could berlakon nangis and gelak tipu...hehehehe..ckp xyah cakap la..vocab dh bertambah by day :)

Mommy : Iman mana tummy?
Iman : Tummy?Ni..*rubbing his tummy*
Mommy : Daddy?mana daddy?
Iman : Daddy??*cari daddy*
Mommy : Mommy? Sebut mommy?
Iman : *touching me*  Mammaaa..
Mommy : Mommy la..sebut mommy.
Iman : Mammmma...MAMMMMAAAAA!!!!!!
Mommy : Mommy la..
Iman : MAMAAAAAAA...!!!!!
Mommy : Eh?

Bleh ek, anak pilih sendiri dia nak panggil kita apa.sebut tummy, daddy semua bleh..bila tang mommy xleh (--!)

Mama pun mama la syg..


Love you both.*kiss*kiss*

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Word~less Wednesdays : Clarks


Dearest Hubby,
This is keperluan not kehendak :p

Clue 1 : You can find these in Clarks outlets.
Clue 2 : Clarks is available in Sunway Pyramid.





Love,

Your Wife


Ps-Men don't understand subtle clues. Clues need to be clear.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Happy Father's Day! [belated..daa]

This is dedicated for you abang..

Thank you for being such a great father..and may you become the greatest father our children could ever have for the years to come :)




Daddy with his red warriors :)

Dadddy with Amsyar :)

Daddy with Iman once upon a time ago :)






I love you just the way you are..and I thank Allah for you and for the love we share.
For a special person who his rezeqi is always plentiful.  For all the joy and presents he brings home.
And for the babies we had together.
Alhamdulillah.

We love you daddy. with all our heart :)

Monday, June 18, 2012

Time is running out..

Need to decide soon!!
Best option when natural contraception doesn't work for us?

Pills? Hmm..what if i forget?
If there's another baby on the way..then there's no turning back.

Best ideas for now? IUD or Implanon.
Yeah.those.maybe.
This is hard.Stressed.



Waiting for consultation during Amsyar's 1st injection date.







Keeping my fingers crossed.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Quick Sunday updates - on confinement :)

Salam ladies :)

Guess what?I'm home alone today :) oklah..with amsyar only.
The whole household is out.
Including Iman who went with his uncle and mak uteh to mrsm TGB to visit maksu!
So i'm having this whole house on my own! Yeah!!
Crazy.Dok sengsorang pun nk suka.

So how's things going on? Me, I finally could cough comfortably now..and also i could blow nose whenever i want, alhamdulillah. I hope my tummy heals well though. I don't know what's happening inside tho.Just on the surface, it looks clean :)

Amsyar.

Amsyar day 25 :)
As for amsyar, he's grow stronger, and chubbier by day alhamdulillah. Just mom still says 'amsyar' is a weird name. yeke? maybe nama moden.haha..nama baby skrg.i think many other names appear much peculiar to me.apa2 lah mak.asalkan mak jgn silap sebut sudah. On the first few days she was constantly calling my baby 'amsaar' instead of amsyar..hehehe..sounds funny tau mak.sian baby amsyar..

..


I just can't wait for his 1st month check-up next week to find out how's the progress :) Amsyar is such a cool baby so far with not so much trouble for mommy. Cool je even kena cakar dgn abg Iman and lepuk kepala beberapa kali..well baby, life's hard. AbgIman is trying to teach you from early age that.
ayoo..Iman.jgn nakal sgt.pening mommy tau.



Pantang

So far berpantang, i tend to be more moderate and took confinement in a more modern point of view.
For food - I ate healthy food.And fruits and veges which in my view are ok mcm - sawi, bayam, carrots, apples, oranges, pears, grapes way from day 1. Several fruits and veges mmg i drop out of diet like bananas, papayas, cabbage and durian.

I drank 3L of plain water daily, took a fair amount of milk & milo..and also some coffee once in a while. Favorite snacks - almonds, kurma or raisins or just bread. i took also some chillies once in a while (sambal ke..masak asam sket ke) which really makes my rice taste better.hehe.


Favorites : nasi panas, cencaru bakar and some sawi&carrots


Meals include chicken, meat and fish of most kinds (except some -eg keli) either fried, grilled, baked or steamed while keeping the oil to the minimum. Most of the times, keeping up to the simplest is best.As mom is working and MIL is not well, i cook for myself from day 4 and once in a while when my sisters were around, they cook and grill for me. Breastfeeding really puts a challenge on me for food. Asyik lah lapar memanjang.

Despite all of that the big no-no rule still applies to eggs, makanan bercuka, pineapples, air kelapa muda and ice. Owh how i crave for magnum..sedapnya :'(

As for postnatal care- belum buat apa2 lagi treatment or take any jamu yet. Waiting at least until 30days to start any urut, bengkung or tungku except for gamat pills, vits & iron pills and mustajab halia cream for back, forehead and feets :). I bet most post-ceaser moms are having this terms as well. Just taking care of the wound, having hot baths and wearing socks when mom's around. So far I'm ok and having plans to go with NR Phytonatal pills as per after Iman before :)

Just to conclude- I think, best for a mom to recover after giving birth is to be happy and comfortable all along the confinement period. Happy-ness is essential for plentiful of milk supply and the best milk booster ever :) Klu terhalang atau terpantang sgt what to eat, how much to eat, 2glass of water only per day, mmg depress..wound lambat heal, and worse susu tarak. Bila susu takmau keluar, baby pun xhappy. Mommy mana yg happy with a all-time crying baby.

So speaking from previous experience, I really tried my best to be better this time..try to avoid stress and voila, everything is much better :) I could even walk at normal pace on my 14th day, remembering last time, i was even really slow motioned boarding the plane on my 30th day. Alhamdulillah. Frankly, It was quite depressing last time when i was only allowed to eat rice with black pepper and grilled meat/fish. No veggies as it will cause the baby angin. And not too much water as it will make my wound wet and not heal (what?). And no to most of things, even bread and crackers :'(.

When Iman was refusing direct feeding, my poor baby was even said to be possessed. Terkena something which needs kena siup (i don't know the proper word) dgn bidan/bomoh kampung. Hmm.. I was literally suffering..well as a new mom- who isn't. But i need to obey as to respect my in-law family. The beliefs they were brought up in. The beliefs they brought up my husband. This is how they live on. My husband, of course was on their side. 

My mom, tho also a kelantanese was an absolutely the opposite way around. No- I'm not rebelling or complaining, but i at least it was a lesson learn from the experience. I really appreciate their efforts to take care of me and Iman before..and even i learnt so much in terms of baby care and also post natal recipes. Thank you mama and mek.

Now, at least i know. i know better :)



Ok la..tajuk quick update.but dah jadi berjela jadinya..
Take care all of you.



Love,

Zahra

*I miss work. I think I don't really miss doing the work..i just miss the ritual of everyday walking side by side my husband to and fro from parking to R&D office. O what to do.I'm just hopelessly romantic (^_^)V








Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Finding Me-self.Again.


Salam ladies,


How are you today?
Hehehe....kerja seperti biasa? Me? Still in confinement, tapi skrg azam baru
.Each time both heroes are asleep kita buka blog, either menulis or blog hop or blog shop, tak kira la.
Sometimes writing for me, is a stress reliever. Sendiri tulis, sendiri baca.

Duduk2 saje kat umah layan anak2 ni kadang2 buat kan i think a lot about my self, my growing family. What i have done..what i have achieved..what should i do next. Bila kelapangan tak payah fikir pasal design mendesign tapi gaji buta still masuk baru la ada masa nak fikir pasal diri sendiri. 

Dulu masa still belajar, each semester I'll start with a target for that semester.Kadang2 tercapai..kadang2 tidak..but at least my aim to be my course best student for my convo tercapai. Alhamdulillah. Merasa mak and bapak duduk barisan depan dlm dewan convo. merasa juga diorg makan hi-tea dok semeja dgn lecturers and VVIPs. Alhamdulillah. Bila mak seronok..automatic i feel blessed :)

Tu cerita zaman dulu. Skrg?

Bila dh tamat belajar. Bila dh masuk industry. Kerja mcm kuli kat negara sendiri. Seriously, designers in P1 are really underpaid. We are not industrial designers yg pilih kaler apa cantik, design bontot nk tajam ke bulat..mana yg cantik yerr? Oh no-no.Tu bab estetika is under styling design. Our task is basically engineering designing. To put parts in a puzzle way so that car performs as it should. My task? Thermo related. Siapa yg masa study dulu kena repeat or nearly fail subject thermodynamics/thermokinetics? susah kan? itu lah yg kitorg buat hari2. Bila dibanding dgn ideas and tenaga yg dikerah..mmg xsetimpal dgn byran. Pregnant 9mths pun still attend meetings, attend trials. Masuk bawah kereta. Sampai kdg2 check parts dlm kereta prototype, perut sangkut2 kat tepi kereta. Almaklumlah dh memboyot.

Bila keluar je kereta, org malaysia pakat kutuk2.Sedih. Padahal yg mengutuk tu, dok buat apa for a living? malas nak ckp lah..nti kna banned plak kan?Diorg ingat kitorg ni dibayar mahal ke?Yet we still wake up each morning to come early at work.

Alhamdulillah.I have a career. But how about advancements in career? Should I be jumping around within the industry.Maybe? Or maybe not. P1 is quite convenient for me. Solat bleh bila2 masa2. Benefits byk.  Beli rumah dpt subsidi. Bersalin, hospitalization and outpatient clinic free.
Tapi sampai bila nk duduk tertindas?Aha..mm..

Asyik terfikir..sampai bila bleh survive dlm environment begini?
Bestnya..kalau dapat jd fulltime housewife.
hari2 dok dgn anak2 saja..kemas2 rumah.homeschooling my boys. 
Cooking their favorite meal.baking.sewing perhaps? But need to be housewife with a target to achieve la.
A KPI. Kena jadi housewife yg organized. Yang ada jadual harian. Yang ada weekly targets. kalau dpt generate income dr rumah lagi bagus :)
Else..jadilah depserate housewife..bila dh hilang arah atau takde target..bosan la jadinya~
Mmm..

So azam baru - to work harder and more systematic than before. be like i used to be :)
To work hard on what we already have..hehe.semangat!

I need to admit that being pregnant, then pregnant again really did put off some fire inside me in terms of work. Malas nak kejar deadlines.And work just to pace.Do things for the sake of just doing.Bukan malas, tapi i was focusing on other things.More important things in life.

Ponding over things I have..to really be a subject matter expert.Before moving on.
Yes, I will be moving on..cuma belum plan betul2 bila.
Just need to stop asking a lot of why's.
And start saying...why not.

Celebrating my all-time fav leader DSZ.
Change starts with me.




May my good wishes all come true.


Love,

Zahra


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Post-natal Experiences - the 20th day

Salam ladies and mommies out there! :)

Lamanya rs xmenulis apa2 in this blog.Rindu rsnya..tho i presume nobody reads this.
And the main reason I'm writing pun is for my own reference.
beruntunglah if i have followers pun..i really thank you for reading :)

Today marks my 20th day being a mother of 2!Dh hampir 3weeks.Both my babies are now sound asleep.alhamdulillah.ada chance la mommy update apa yg patut..To summarize..mmg havoc and hectic. Everyday is a different day..esp with abgIman. ada je akalnya budak kenit ni..and I always see him as already the big brother, the older son..which sometimes i need to remind my self that Iman is only 15mths old. still very very young!

His reaction to baby amsyar..biasalah.nak kiss syg adek, then cungkil telinga, try cungkil mata..even in one attempt iman tried to bang lil bro's body dgn his motorcycle!..OMG! mmg kena perhati selalu..Sometimes I feel like he's just trying to get my attention. But I understand that my lil Iman is under stress..yelah.out of nowhere,ttb tengok dh muncul budak kenit yang 24-7 dok berdamping dgn mommy, need to stay at grandma's house where daddy tak ada pula..and not having to go to his babysitter's house where he could play ball and go to the playground everyday.His routine now totally changes. And i could see he misses daddy on weekdays.He tries to adapt tp everything is not the same. Mm..xpelah Iman..try to hold on,k syg? 
Only for these 40days.mommy promise!

It's quite a bliss that Zakiyya is already here for her summer holidays and Zaynab is in the house.Where Ali is always here to help with Iman and Aliyya is in holiday mood to help here and there. Alhamdulillah.Your own sisters and brothers are always your best helpers when it comes to worst times :)

I tried to spend each and every single spare minute i have when amsyar is asleep with Iman. And fortunately Amsyar is a night owl and sleeps most of the daytime.So, banyakla juga time i have for Iman, tho my mom says that those time should be used for sleeping as the mom should sleep when the baby sleeps. Nak buat camane..i have two babies.. (okayla three when daddy comes home! ;) ). I tried to do all the routines we usually do together.  i read to him, sing to him, feed him his pasta, and cuddle together for a nap in the afteranrroon. Sometimes i even bathe him when the wound doesn't hurt much. Just to make him feel that I'm still here for him. But some things are still not do-able. Not until this wound heals properly. I'm still with limited ability especialy in lifting things. The heaviest thing I've ever carried since the surgery is Amsyar.Iman at 12kgs is a big no-no la~


my love : iman at 15mths :)


As for me and Amsyar, i really thank Allah for the blessings this time for being able to breastfeed amsyar these 20days. I remember myself in misery pumping and sterilizing everything for Iman last time as he refused  direct feeding.So now if amsyar wants to be suckling all night long, i tried hard not to complaint as this is much much easier for me than last time. I thank you Allah that you granted my wish for this tho not for the VbaC wishes..but I know you have better plans for me ;)

Watching amsyar asleep, comparing to active Iman right now reminds me how Iman used to be before. So helpleass..so sweet..and yet in a blink of my eye..dah besar panjang. Dah bijak melompat lompat menonton boboiboy and upin ipin...dh bijak berguling2 in the playground in protes takmau balik..O..how  fast a human brain and physical develops..just imagine in 20yrs how they will grow.. and yet to me, these boys are still my babies..my sweet little babies. Betul la kata my mom dedulu..to her, I'm always her small 1st born baby. And i'll only understand that statement when i become myself a mother.



My sweetheart : Amsyar at 19days :)


Talking about vbac..I really wished for a vbac for this time but i never regret for this c-sect. Tak apalah..i redha..I want many children tapi tak adalah sampai 7-8org. Ideally for me is 4.Insyallah. Kita hnya meramcang-kan? Maybe I mati next year ke..so only these two boys ajelah penyambung zuriat keturunan saya.

The operation was smooth and baby amsyar was born in ease without complications. I was crying all the way through the operation, praying that everything would be ok. I don't know..i was just tremendously nervous by that time. Alhamdulillah in 30minutes they successfully brought out the baby, and amsyar's 1st cry made me cry even louder. 
Even the anaes doc tried to comfort me. 
She was sweet petite lady doctor who i remembered saying.. " dont cry pn zahra.everything is ok.see-your baby have a dimple!". I lose 450mL of blood during the surgery.
Thank you Allah, for still letting me breath for another 20days until this day.. :)

The recovery was quite a pain tho. The wound is now 5mm longer on each end than the previous one..and I was on epidural pethidine for the subsequent 2 and a half days. Bila pethidine habis je..Allah shj yang tahu betapa sakitnya.They stopped the drug on the 3rd day, and took off the urine bag. So i was forced to walk up myself to the toilet which was a great deal for me. On the first attempt i felt like my stomach was falling off..so i need to hold up my whole post pregnancy stomach which was like a flabby piece of meat to and fro. The deal in the toilet was really something else..i could'nt even bend down to change my own pad :'( 
Sakit nyerr! Thanks to my mom who was waiting on me and my husband who was always there to help. I was living on pain killers for the first 6days!!

Today, the wound is still healing. And the pain is really unnoticed except when it rains where you could sometimes feel like there is a knife slipping through. Sometimes laa..ngilu camtu..huhu~





I think maybe that is all for today.
I'll try to write an special entry on the birth story of Amsyar-full version and perhaps on confinement :)
I think the epidurals still have effects on my back which sometime aches so hard, i can hardly sleep.


Take care all of you . . .






Love, 

Zahra