Dear Iman, Dear Amsyar,.....from mommy with love

November 20^th, 2012.

Tomorrow my 1^st born, Zulhadzrey Iman will be 21months old.

Another 3mths to 2years old. 

How time flies.

As of Iman, he is still struggling for his emotional expressions and how to relate himself with his surroundings. Learning how to communicate how he feels and what he wants. Learning also how to understand instructions and work the instructions right. Trying really hard to comprehend each and every sentence he came across and tries to construct his very own. My sweet Iman. Sometimes I just feel guilty not having enough time for him. Not nurturing his talents well. Forgive me my little one, mommy is only human. I have tried, and at most attempts I fail rather than success especially in controlling my rages and angers towards you my little boy. Sometimes I mislooked you of being big already. Of being the older one.

Iman now has many talents : of singing, of dancing, of jumping, of scribbling on paper and also of constructing sentences. Sometimes he just go spontaneously “ Mommy shhh..amsyar ido” (read: Mommy shhhh..amsyar tidur) or “ Nasi edas,air cepat” (hehe-u could translate that could you?) or even “ Iman yak, ucukkk” whilst pinching his nose.

When being told to fetch things or to take toys to Amsyar, he understands and will do as commanded. Just when we don’t understand him or denies what he wants, he will be in furious rage. He is just being himself, learning to express his feelings. Trying to be a 21mth old child.

Sometime I just feel you’re avoiding me as you’re jealous of your lil brother Amsyar. Don’t worry Iman, hard enough I tried but Allah had made a mother’s heart to equally love her children no matter how many she has. I would never love amsyar more, or even you more than him. I have too much love to spare to both of you. It is really hard to explain, but a mothers love is unconditional. It flows unstoppable from the day I realize you exist. From the day the stick shows two lines. From the very first scan, the very 1^st kick, the very first sight.

Mommy loves you Iman. Mommy loves you forever and ever.

Zulhafidzey Amsyar.

My cheeky boy. My smart baby. My miracle baby.

A true miracle when the doc didn’t find your heartbeat at 8wks and sent me off for D&C. But mommy waited, and hoped, and prayed, that you’re are still there. For a miracle to happen. And here you are my exclusively breastfed baby. My beautiful angel. My round cheeks and cute bumbum.

My heart-melter.

Of how easy you’re to be taken care of since the early days. Yet not a day leaving mommy with sleepless nights. I’m very grateful. Maybe mommy is quite harsh with you sometimes, but you’re still my perfect little angel.And now, near to six full-moons have passed. How fast you’ve grown. I’ll try my best for your milk supply and first food introductions. To reimburse back what I’ve gone wrong with your brother last time. My bad, yes I know. Forgive mommy my precious sons.

Remember my dearest, Iman loves you a lot. He may have his own ways to express his devotions, but please don’t judge him wrong. He is still learning to be your big brother. Your protector. Same as you learning to be his, my darling sons. And a long way from now to be my protector when I’m no longer standing tall and strong. May the brotherhood bonds be always there, eventhough mommy may not be here any longer.

Remember my boys, that knowledge is the key of all doors, all possibilities, all the good things and also the bad things as well. So be wise in making your decisions. Have faith in Allah and you will not go astray. Mommy might not be always there, but I’m here now and I’ll try to make open all options that you may have. Open your eyes my dear boys and try to appreciate what is around you. Use what you have and whine not of what you have not. As perhaps what you do not have is better off for you. Be courteous to people and be the humblest person around. And remember my boys, that being honest is always the only option available and safe.

When you're reading this and I'm already far far away, remember that once your mommy had love you with all her heart and the love was so strong that it remains lingering among you two forever and ever.

I love you, Iman.

I love you, Amsyar.

Love,

Mommy